I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately and been motivated myself to finally actually let things out as they are.
So here goes. I’m 19 years old, about to finish my 2nd year of college and I’m not sure what I’m feeling.
I’ve said previously how I’m surrounded by good things so there is no reason for me to complain. I have a great family (even though they’re 7 hours away they still support and love me). I’m doing pretty well in my academics, obviously I could be more involved but I can always change that. I think the part of my life of which I’m most confused about are my friendships.
Like I think I’ve made great friendships but like I don’t think that my friends consider me to be one of their like great friends. Does this even make sense. I feel like I put all my effort into relationships like these but never get the same amount of effort back. But I see it between my friends just not towards me. And I don’t know if by telling myself that it’s normal is enough to keep me sane. I find myself constantly thinking about these things.
To the point where I begin to doubt if my friendships are even true. Then I start to think that it’s just me overthinking and that I’m being stupid. That it’s my depression taking over my brain. Just how when people put words into other peoples mouths, like that’s me doing it to me.
And since I keep all this to myself, I feel like I’m presenting a fake version of me to everyone. But if I were to show them the real me and how I feel, I bet they’ll drop me in an instant.