10 years later

I just finished watching the perks of being a wallflower again. I had to watch it for an essay for one of my psychology classes but now all these memories came up.

When I was around 7-9 years old I was sexually abused by my older cousin who lived with us. Watching the scene where Charlie is reminded of him being abused by his aunt while getting intimate with Sam just flashed for me. You know it took me years to tell my parents what had happened to me and we finally kicked him out of the house and I haven’t seen him since. I thought I’d be able to forget about it by now but it does pop in my head every once in a while. But the same thing happens to me where I remember these instances where I’d be getting intimate with my bf of the time and all I could remember was the shit that happened to me. I know it shouldn’t affect me as much now since it’s been over 10 years but I don’t know.

I never got any professional help for this. I thought I could get through it since I finally told my parents and since he was out of the house. But I let it affect my life. I do get scared sometimes that I’ll see him. Or that he’s doing the same to someone else.

This is one of the things I needed to get written out there. To feel a bit of relief. I mean I’m still iffy. I might go talk to someone.

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